Thursday, December 16, 2010

How to Make Your Man Change into the Person You and HE Wants Him to Be (And is just afraid to tell you!)

Setting Goals and Expactations

The first thing you should do in any relationship is find out what your partner WANTS to become and share with him the person you want to become. This conversation will help you reach your goals together and will help prevent any infedilities as your partner will not want to let you and, more importantly, HIMSELF, down from the promises you two have made to each other. (Once someone commits to a certain stance, even if they change their mind about their stance, they will not want to say or do anything that hurts their credibility.)

Encouraging Good Behavoir

Once you have had this conversation, maintain good behavoir by employing the carrot and stick method. (Remember, the carrot is more powerful than the stick!) To illustrate this point, I will share with you a story about a series of games I played against a FIFA opponent today (okay, not the greatest audience to use this metaphor with, but bear with me.)

When I turned on FIFA today there was only one opponent online around my skill level. When I played this opponent the first time, he used his headpeace to scream into the game. I allowed this to happen to determine whether he would realize his behavoir was inappropiate and when he did not stop I simply left the game. The next time, I was placed against the same opponent, and this time I did not hesitate to leave the game the first time he screamed into his headset. The third time around, he left the game himself once he entered it (reciprocity.) The fourth time? No screaming, great game and he was able to collect points and victory after beating me 2-1.

When employing the carrot and stick method, make sure to recognize any behavoir your man does in accomplishing the goals you have set in the beginning of your relationship. Praise the SPECIFIC ACT and relate it to the behavoir/goal you two are hoping to accomplish. This will make him happy that he is accomplishing the goals you and he set in your relationship.

DO NOT complement your man in a black and white, good versus evil, static way. Everyone has shades of grey, and you do not want to tell your man simply "you are nice" without giving him a specific way he is nice. If a man begins to believe he is "nice" then he will think everything he does, even the not so nice things, are warranted.

How to Criticize without Offending

When criticizing your man, make sure to sandwich those criticisms between two complements. With criticism, unlike the carrot method, it is okay to present things in a black and white way. This will help your man develop a moral code of ethics. Sandwiching your criticisms with complements will lessen the blow to your man's ego, and will decrease resistance to the changes you propose.

Remember the Senses!


Also, surround yourself and your partner with the colors that will most help you accomplish your goals. (Colors have a HUGE effect on psychology and behavior.) I suggest light blue tones, blue is not only the most popular color, but has a very soothing effect. Red will increase your physical and sexual attraction (use these when you want a sexy, alone night with your man!), but will decrease the perceived long-term viability of a relationship. Brown is of the earth, and increases feelings of belonging, friendship and long-term compatability.

Smell and Memory

Also, make sure to surround yourself with the right smells. Smells have a greater affect on the memory than any other sense and, as such, are the most important sense for reminding your man why he is with you. This is especially important after the first 18 months of a relationship, when men and women become desensitized to the affects of each other's hormones.

Make sure to have your man wear a cologne that improves your relationship! All colognes use pheromone mixes to attract the opposite sex, but products by Instant Influence are by far the most successful because of the amount of research and cutting-edge science the company employs. Make sure to warn your man about the effects these scents will have on those of the same gender! Stronger pheromone presence increases competition between those of the same gender.

Also, have your man try out different mixtures and amounts to determine which is the best for him. The pheromones interact with a man's naturally occuring hormones, so every man will get a different reaction for the mix he employs. Have him keep a journal of each day he wears the cologne, and also make sure he takes days off for a control. Describe how these mixtures are having an effect on your relationship.

Sex Relations

If you decide to have sex with your partner (you do not have to, and you should never be forced or pressured to!) focus on the things you like that he does, and do not mention the things that he does you do not like. He will start doing the things you like more often, and start doing the things you do not like less often (he will get the hint! But, if he continues to do things that you do not like, then he must like them himself. You can sacrifice a little physical pleasure to keep your husband happy, can't you?)


Have a discussion about what sexual fantasies you have and what sexual fantasies he has. Trust me, he has some fantasies just as disturbing as the fantasies you have! (Vampires, YUMMY!)

Building Social Skills

Sit down with him and read the book "Rules of the Game" (both the black and white book, but start with the white) by Rolling Stone Journalist, Author and Seduction Expert Neil Strauss. This book will help build his social skills and define the goals he wants to accomplish in his life. Make sure to point out the advice that is not practical or ethical, such as negs and cold reading. Focus on the advice which makes the most sense to you, and remember, these is a big difference between  INFLUENCE and MANIPULATION.

Manipulation is employed only for the actor's benefit, influence is for the benefit of either all parties or the greater good!

They are just not as smart as us!

Remember, a woman has 12 to 16 parts of the brain meant for communication, while a man has only 4 to 6. Do not get angry at your man if he seems not to "get it." You girls are just smarter, and you can't hold that against us!

Finally, and most importantly, visit a psychologist at least once a month together. This will give you an objective and expert opinion on how to improve your relationship.

(Is your man the diamond in the rough you have been waiting for?)